Today i woke in #10 pain, gnawing pain, arach pain. Irregardless of anything i have read i have not given up hope of being able to somehow live with advanced aa. My sp nerves all of them are lined up against dura, one with dura, tethered cord, empty sac syndrome. I dont know when it got this way bc it has been on MRI for 24 years, but in 2012 i was first told so i developed the notion that being 57 the aa was now in place but progressing so slowly that i would die of old age before aa took me to a wheelchair & beyond. Waking in such severe, irreversible pain shakes me to the core & basically shows me that the hopeful scenario i have is fallacy. Everything within me wants to go for help. Here is where the hopelessness enters.... where? Where could i go to get someone to "fix" this for me? That place doesnt exist. A few minutes have passed does anyone know a place in houston texas that i could receive help? Not narcotic help, but arach dr, ketamine possibly, some new treatment anywhere in the world? To say im at wits end is ridiculous bc i lost "wit" about this already. Desperation, i know already we all are. Any suggestions would be awesome, a needle in 100,000 haystacks but is there anything? My head feels weird & i dont want to even go there, to the CSF pressure in brain, too complicated & scary i dont even want to know. If i sound crazy im sorry. But, believe me i am ungloriously fine in my mind. Maybe i need to be impaired so i couldnt put 2&2 together.... sigh